Why you can’t make your habits stick (and why my coaching actually does).

There you are. Day four of the promised “thirty days to make a new habit” and you forgot yet again that you were going to try to read every morning before work. If only I could have remembered! You think to yourself. Sound familiar? If you have ever tried to form a new habit, (or break a bad one for that matter), it does not take long to realize that it is much harder than just 30 days of changing your ways. Habits are automated behaviors that we do, sometimes unconsciously, that arise from an internal or external trigger. Some habits bring us closer to the life we want and others destroy it. What you do everyday essentially is made up of habits that are forming you into who you are. According to researchers at Duke University, habits account for about 40 percent of our behaviors on any given day. 

Take for example changing a sleep habit so that you stop scrolling your phone at night before bed. While many of us have the correct “knowledge” that scrolling is bad, actually stopping that habit takes much more than 30 days of will power. Instead, there needs to be a direct motivation - based on belief - that changes this behavior. 

That is why my identity-based habit change coaching method is so powerful. At the core of our being is our very beliefs. There were beliefs that were programmed into our brains when we were kids, and there are other beliefs we have come to develop. Changing a belief proves to be very difficult since nueroprotons are literally engrained into our brain to think a certain way. In order to change a belief that has been deeply seeded since before time, there has to be a resolution of conflict between our primal brain (fight or flight brain) and the pre-frontal cortex (thinking brain) where thoughts emerge. No wonder if takes more than 30 days to change something you spent a lifetime achieving! Stopping doom scrolling at night goes so much deeper than “this is not a good habit to do”. In fact, it is my belief that there are deeply engrained issues of loneliness, poor attention span, and lack of proper night time routines already ingrained in that person. 

So what does this belief changing method actually look like in a coaching session? Simple. I use the Habit Change Coaching Method. Or, simply put, I ask very specific questions in a specific sequence, that uncover and transform your underlying reason for staying stuck. 

After uncovering just what it is you WANT and WHY you want that, we will answer the 6 “W” questions of your unique situation (Ok, and one “H”). We will assess what, when, how, where, why and who this challenge affects and then create sustainable action steps to go toward your desire. These questions will be asked in a very unique and specific order so that we work towards transformation. In order to actually stick to a new habit, we have to first change hidden, empowering beliefs. That is the power of the ORDER of these transformative questions. My questions will always help you first step back from your situation, then let go of a disempowering belief, say YES to a new empowering belief or identity, take empowered action from that belief, and then have a system of accountability. 

Wondering if this actually works? Check out what my client Kathy said after our 90 day Transformation Process together! 

“Before coaching with Ellie Hyvonen, I struggled with my commitment to things that were very important to me. I just couldn’t get myself to read my Bible daily, exercise regularly, or commit to eating habits that would help me to lose weight. Ellie taught me to delve deeply inside of my heart to figure out why I want these things. What made these desires important to me, and what was getting in my way.

She helped me articulate what my WHYS were – why do I even want to achieve these goals. She helped me connect emotionally with my goals and set up my physical surroundings to remove obstacles. It was very enlightening work that has bled into all of the areas of my life. I look at my duties and responsibilities differently now. Instead of feeling guilt and shame for failing, I am committed to achieving what is important to me. I am motivated to move forward, and I can give myself slack during tough weeks but then get back into my healthy routines after short breaks.” 

There is power in habit change. It runs much deeper than just the outer rim!